The service was less emotional for me than I expected. Christ Our Lord Church has been such a blessing to me, and to my family, that I really cannot believe my time here has ended. Will I really never kneel at the back of the church with a throng of children gathered bout holding up the dismissal sign?
I suspect I’ll be overcome with emotion next Sunday—my first Sunday actually away. And I have no doubt there will be moments of grief in the coming months, as people who have been such an integral part of my life over the last twenty-six months are no longer there for me to turn to.
The remaining work to be done at home preparing to move later this week has also provided a convenient emotional distraction.
Rori and I passed by the neighborhood playground on our walk this afternoon. It was empty (and with the fairly cool weather, I really wonder where all the kids were). Even though I drive right by the same playground every time I leave the house, for some reason the combination of walking and its emptiness today hit me pretty hard. I really miss my little Micah Moo, my Micah Man, Mister H.
I remember looking at the playground before Micah was born and anticipating the day we could explore it together. My memory of feeling that anticipation is clearer and stronger than the memory of our first visit there. I remember seeing him go down the slide for the first time (with a big person, and then his first time alone). I remember my trepidation at seeing him clamber up the steps without holding anybody’s hand. I remember seeing my son panickedfor the very first time when he looked to where he thought I was as he came around the corner during his explorations, and I wasn’t where he expected. I thought about him sitting in my lap in the big boy swing just last week on our last day before he left for Florida.